Alex Henry Foster and Myself's Entire Conversation!
Apr 07, 2021
I hope you are doing well! April is here, and with this comes some great vibes, as the sun now goes down a little later, and the celsius degrees sometimes hit above zero in Montreal now. Those factors warm our northern hearts and souls deeply! This pandemic truly had me finding joy and happiness through little details I didn’t care much about prior to this, such as being excited by the arrival of April...!
The past few months have been quite busy and crazy for us at the HQ, and especially for Alex in Virginia with the entire Standing Under Bright Lights campaign going on since early February! Alex already has had so many interviews, podcasts, and has been faithfully writing down those very precious letters to you who have ordered something so far! He’s been doing all of this during the past two months while also spending what was left of his time writing a book about how prominent and cathartic this concert has been for him and us all, The Long Shadows. I’ve been sharing a few parts with you last fall, as I was telling you about the making of a few songs from the Windows in the Sky album, but he truly can’t wait to share this entire story with you all.
I have also started sharing a few photographs with you from The Club’s Instagram account, which I’ll keep doing as we evolve working on Alex’s new album or musical project! I’m inviting you all to have a look, as those will only be available there, exclusively for you!
ALEX AND I - THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION
A few weeks ago, I shared parts of what was a long conversation between Alex and me, when we spent hours on the phone talking about his latest video titled "Winter Is Coming In". Here’s the entirety of this conversation! Enjoy and please, always feel free to write back if you have any questions or comments! :)
I don’t have much of a writing method when it comes to lyrics, if for the fact that I usually have to complete enough of a song’s body in the same draft to actually consider adding it to my writing book. I always find it difficult to trust an emotion that requires sessions and sessions of writing and rewriting. I’m not talking about looking for the right word or defining a more honest way of expressing myself - this comes in the “live” writing sessions. But I never really insist if I’m unable to find what I call the source. But sometimes, not finding this source haunts me. And “Winter Is Coming In” is one of those songs…
The amount of time I must have spent musing, contemplating, struggling and raging for that song only is probably too intense to even remember, if only glimpses of it all. I would wake up in the middle of the night to write a few ideas, get up before sunrise to feel the new lights, write all night to avoid any over-thinking analysis, go to a cafe or stay in my little room, go to a public place, and on, and on, and on. I probably wrote a version of that song in every possible place available and unavailable known in Tangier.
I was obsessed with “authenticity”, the measure of consciousness it requires to be honest, the nature of redemption, the meaning of being free, contrition, confession, the difference between hope and truth… Hearing the calls to prayer 5 times a day, I could see my father smiling on his deathbed, believing in an upcoming Godly ordained healing miracle as I was wondering what was left of my own faith. So I wrote and kept on writing. Start, rip it off, start again… The only thing that recurrently stayed was “I have lost my senses” - probably because I most definitely had. Until I didn’t write no more, out of energy and unable to find the source. Therefore, I observed and listened.
A very good friend wrote to me during that period, reminding me that it’s been a while since she had any news from me, that she was there to listen if I needed to talk, mentioning that it must be difficult for me to face that everlasting storm I seem to have lived in most of my life, concluding with: “I would like to say winter is coming to an end for you, but it almost seems as if it’s the only thing that makes sense to you now.” And it really caught me off guard, as I’m a private person and very rarely let anyone come close enough to be able to “touch” me. I didn’t know what to think of her message… Was I supposed to feel violated? Supported? Loved? Pitied? Wasn’t I avoiding all those personal questions and reflections on the reason for my exile in Tangier, after all?
It’s only a few days after that what would become “Winter Is Coming In” started to resonate with me once more. I wrote without too much thinking about what I thought would be an answer to that friend of mine.
So I heard another winter is coming
Never truly knew what to make out of it I spent my whole life crafting storms of my own
Always looking for new possible ways to avoid the shades of my pale shadowing reflection
Confused with lights, confessing pieces of my everlasting sorrows
Have I lost my senses? I don’t know…
The rest of the lyrics came as easily as I was willingly being honest. I wanted to be “touched”, as it was ok to be confused, angry, lost, and miserable. I must have written all day and most of the night, again being honest about my broken childhood, the repeating abuses I’ve been a victim of, my inability to establish an intimate relationship, the sufferings, the functional depressions, the profound sadness I’ve learned to live with, how I entertained the idea of taking my own life… It wasn’t about understanding the concept of confession and faith no more, it was allowing those words to loudly carry a burden I was usually holding in the loneliest of all silences…
I realize that it never was about finding the truth but about making sense of what felt missing, as if spending so much time in the darkness of my own excuses and reasons, even melancholia became an admission of self-preservation and control over my own denial of any possible light coming my way.
I guess in the end, it’s not that much about the truth
But how good we became at turning late night illusions into a bright morning view
It’s never that easy I suppose, to kneel down with a smile
When we kept denying our souls from the magic shining through
But I think the breaking point for me comes with the acknowledgment that I indeed kept that storm alive. The reality is the fact that I never wanted to take if only a second to stop and openly decide to trade shivers and any possible affective dazzle for misery. That being admitted, I knew that not only winter never really came, but the sole fact that I was so honestly exposing myself would offer me the opportunity to determine if I ever wanted to witness the first light of spring in the future.
STANDING UNDER BRIGHT LIGHTS
Important note about the release! If you order before April 11, we will be shipping to you on April 12 using priority mail, meaning you'll get your package prior to the official release on the 16! You can check everything out here if it hasn't been already done! :)
We’re so thankful to have the opportunity to share and build with you on such a level! Stay safe and hopeful, I sincerely feel like we’re in the last stretch of this madness. I will send further news about upcoming events around the Standing Under Bright Lights release! There will be a few great surprises and very rich moments for us all to share and enjoy!
I can’t wait to see you all! Soon!!!
Your Host and Friend!
Jeff
